I feel strange recounting this story. At first, I didn’t want to do it, but my therapist suggested that I write an account of my early childhood, thinking that it might help me with my emotional problems. Although, I’m an adult woman now, I still have unusual sexual fantasies that I can’t let go of. And I’m not even sure that I want to be rid of them. Actually, my name isn’t Amy, but I decided to use an alias because I fear people might find out who I really am.
I had my first sexual feeling when I was nine years old. I remember riding on a see-saw with my best friend Judy and feeling a kind of ‘itch’ between my legs. It was a good itch, and I wanted to rub it to make it feel better. But being a girl, I was taught that touching “down there” was a naughty thing to do. I kept my feeling a secret from everyone, even Judy. At night, I would lie in bed and crumple the sheets into a ball and insert it between my legs. I had my first orgasm that way.
When I was twelve, my brother showed me some dirty videos that he had gotten from his friends. We locked the door to his room played them on his VCR. I saw my first naked man on a video. I pretended to be disgusted by it, but my eyes were glued to the screen. I remember thinking how odd it was for a boy to have a piece of flesh hanging between his legs. And it was so large too! How could boys stuff it in their pants without it being noticed, I thought. My brother had some other really weird videos too; like women peeing on each other. At first I thought it was sick but as I watched further, I couldn’t help from getting aroused. I guess my kinky nature came from watching those videos. I also got off by looking at my parent’s history book of painting; I called it “The Treasury of Filthy Art Masterpieces” because it had pictures of naked men and women in it. Boy did I get turned on by them. I would masturbate by inserting strange objects into my pussy, but only at night, in bed of course. I lost my virginity, so to speak, and broke my hymen by inserting a roll-on deodorant bottle. You know, the type that has a rounded end? Of course I performed my vaginal insertions when no one was around, usually when my parents were away on a trip or something. I would get hot just thinking about sticking something new in my cunt. I remember seeing a cucumber in a grocery store and an idea struck. I thought about it for weeks. When the time came and my parents and brother were away, I heated up a cucumber in a pot until it became warm, about as warm as a real cock might get. Then I sat in front of a mirror and pushed the cucumber into my cunt and pretended it was a man’s cock. God, it felt so good and hot in there. I wanted a real cock so bad. (more…)